Here is a fantastic article that follows Alexis Asquith’s personal journey. It’s a great read. Enjoy.
Sit with the Sh*t. ~ Alexis Asquith
I grew up with an insufferable amount of anxiety.
Since I was a very little girl, constant projections raced through my brain of what could be coming next to hurt me, scare me or even kill me. Because of this almost debilitating fear of the future, I trained my mind to fix, combat or prevent these horrifying stories written in my head.
I have spent most of my life trying to protect myself from experiencing sadness, anger and fear—I didn’t trust that I would be able to survive them.
So, I hid. I would be whoever I thought my family, friends, boyfriends, bosses wanted me to be. I tried to make everyone happy. If they were constantly happy, they would never get mad at me. There would never be any fighting. There would never be any pain. I locked myself, my true self, in a cage to keep people from getting too close—never letting them in.
“If I give them the key, I give them control. They won’t like me and they will hurt me.” This was my story.
Because I didn’t trust myself, I trusted no one else. From people who loved me to strangers on the sidewalk—everyone was a threat to my safety, to my happiness.
Little did I know that what I thought was saving me was slowly killing me.
It took me a long time and is still taking time to realize that I can neither control others’ behavior nor can I keep things from happening. I am not God. I am not The Universe. And it sucked the life out of me trying to play those roles.
I accept that the strategy I mentioned before might have helped me through some things then, but it doesn’t serve me anymore.
I am creating new pathways in my brain to guide me around the landscape of the here and now.
I am committed to sit with the shit.
For the entire article follow this link