Fellow PsychologyToday.com blogger Christine Meinecke PhD on the “S” word in marriage – it ain’t sex 
Enjoy this article.
By Christine Meinecke, PhD
As much as we wish it were not so or seek to dress this wolf in sheep’s clothing, marriage (like any committed relationship) involves obligation. No amount of denial, bargaining, anger or depression allows us to escape this reality. We all sense it – the burden of knowing that we “owe” our spouse something. But exactly what is it that we owe? Sex? Paychecks? Childcare and household chores? Emotional support?
In the beginning (while we’re in the neurochemically-altered state of infatuation), we feel neither obligated nor burdened. We believe that we have found the one person with whom we will endlessly enjoy free give-and-take and positive feelings. As infatuation fades, however, perspectives change.
Incompatibilities steal focus and disenchantment confronts us. Give-and-take and positive feelings no longer seem effortless. We struggle to find a satisfying balance between freedom to meet our own needs and wants and responsibility to consider our spouse’s needs and wants. We do what comes naturally, and the situation worsens. We seek the counsel of outsiders and try their occasionally contradictory dos and don’ts, and further complicate things.
Enough already! It’s not that complicated. There is only one marital obligation – self-responsibility.
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