Frans de Waal’s work with primates fascinates me. In this clip, he talks with Carl Zimmer of Discover Magazine about how empathy is not something we “decide” to be — that we are able to empathize with the feelings of others because of an involuntary physiologic response. (I have always had a tinge of regret that I finished my PhD at Emory just when Frans de Waal joined the psychology faculty.)
The ability to perceive another’s emotional state — that’s just the first part. A more evolved empathy also involves being able to take the other’s perspective, to try to understand where their feelings are coming from, without getting confused about what is yours, and what is the other’s (like a mother trying to understand her baby’s distress so she can respond in a way which helps, without “taking on” the baby’s upset.)
I’ll add a reminder from me, your friendly meditation pusher: A greater capacity for this kind of empathic connection is one of the benefits seen in people who regularly practice mindfulness meditation, and is one of the cornerstones of healthy relationships. Being able to perceive the feelings of another, and to try to understand where those feelings are coming from, is a vital ability. Again, it’s important to able to do this empathic perspective-taking without getting confused about who the feelings belong to — that is, without losing your awareness of your separate self, and, for example, that your partner’s distress is not your own.
Are you on Facebook? If you enjoy the articles and posts here on Rewire Your Brain For Love, you’ll probably enjoy my Facebook page, with even more tips to support your mindfulness meditation practice.
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Yes, I couldn’t agree more. Within months of first starting the practice of zazen (Zen meditation) about 30 years ago, I was surprised that I started to feel an empathy with others and animals, and even plants! This was not something I had even thought of before. One minute I was an average guy in the street, minding my own business and not really caring about anything other than earning a living for my family, the next I discovered Zen and was soon “feeling” for others in bad situations. I was aware of a dualism at first. I was “loving” but part of me didn’t care. Well, what was “caring” anyway? And yet I could feel their suffering.
Buddha said that the source of all suffering was desire, and what I desired was for the suffering of other life forms to change for the better. I could see that when I perceive something, it is internalized, therefore it is part of me and that I (and each of us) creates our reality from our external experiences and that created reality, is our inner world, and that is what the great masters mean when they say, that the (external) world is an illusion. They are not saying that it does not exist, they are saying that we are merely visitors and when we leave, we leave with nothing physical at all, just our own experiences.
But I don’t think it is that simple, because internal and external are being separated the moment I think if the world as an illusion. Physical and psychogical are also being separated by merely naming them as so. Illusion and reality go the same way. To look at illusion is impossible, because if it is an illusion, it cannot exist.
In zazen, I focus on hara (lower abdomen) and breathe into that area to the exclusion of all thought. It is near impossible to keep this up for long periods, yet by working at it, I can suddenly get an experience that I am my breathing, I am my hara, I am the physical and non-physical. My zazen I believe, is the action that creates the ability to be empathic, becoming one with all there is. I can’t help but add judgment though, and thus sink into my emotional mind and things can get complicated again. The mind is complicated, the spirit simple yet difficult to maintain.
YOGA, like maeditation, stops you from wandering (phisically and mentally) (Patanjali: Yoga Citta Vritti Nirodha) and allows you to create or find connections within. Therefore you are then able to connect (love) with the other living creatures (and dead too.:)
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